Trust

People usually ask me why I stay up so late... Well here you have it. I have insomnia and can't sleep. So I blog. I write and write and write, but usually don't post. Secrets out.

After recently going through a dark time in my life when I didn't believe in God, or life in general, I felt so lost, and so confused. I thought I knew who I was, I thought I knew who/what I wanted... But boy was I wrong. The time when I felt completly and utterly alone, was the time my Savior felt closest to me. (Sounds cliche I know.) But it didn't feel so at the time. He allowed me stand alone, let me fall, let me beg and cry over and over for help. There were lessons to be learned. And I had to be completely alone to do so.  I look back on that time in my life and understand why I needed to go through that trail in life. Theres a million lessons to be learned when going through our personal "Gethsemane" moments here on earth. One that comes to mind is to TRUST in God. Trust that He knows best, trust that change in necessary to become more like Him. Trust: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.  By exercising faith we are learning to trust in our Savior. Trust that he can get us there, even when all seems impossible and you feel like giving up. As we go through trails for His purposes (Not ours) He will help us. It will slowly but surly come generally speaking step by step, day by day. There will be times when it may seem unbearable, but He won't let you go through this journey alone. Every experience is needed for our own personal growth. And what a comfort that is.

His invitation, “Ask, and ye shall receive” (3 Ne. 27:29) does not assure that you will get what you want. It does guarantee that, if worthy, you will get what you need, as judged by a Father that loves you perfectly, who wants your eternal happiness even more than do you.

The Simple Things

I served in the Philippines Cauayan mission. My mission came to a close sooner than I anticipated. I served for a total of 6 months. And I can honestly say those 6 months changed me physically, mentally, and emotionally. For those who have served, I'm sure you can say it was the best time of your life and the hardest time of your life. At first before I served I thought that it can't be "that" hard... Oh boy was I wrong.

I truly believe that God calls you to a mission for you to grow in ways he needs you to become someday. Yes, it is for those "golden investigators" you'll meet along the way, and those companions you will someday call your best friends, for those mission Presidents that replace your parents for the time being. But it is also for yourself. I think a lot of time in the church we are told to serve others over and over, and that's something we should be striving for daily. But I also think we need to serve ourselves in ways that will benefit us, and help us in the future when we go through our own personal hell on this difficult but oh so beautiful earth. I think missions are perfect for each individual for that reason. Whether you were called by a prophet to serve in a foreign land, or if you might have that desire to serve but can't, we are all on our personal mission, "So keep on, journey on. Fan the flame of your faith."

The people of the Philippines taught how to be humble. They taught me pure happiness, pure innocence, pure courage, pure peace. They taught me everything I was lacking in my life. They made me cry harder than anyone probably ever could, only because they humbled me in a way I would have never learned without their example. They are the place I call heaven. I owe the person I am today to the people of The Victoria Branch. My mission president told me which brought him and I to tears, "Some missionaries learn what they need to learn in a short few months than what other missionaries learn in 18 months or 2 years."  I can honestly say that is oh so true. Everyone's missions are different, whether you're serving as a full time missionary or a member of the church. Everyones paths are different, but thats what makes life so worth living.